Sunday, November 9, 2014

The answers for 12 romantic questions;

hiii. Assalamualaikum w.b.t

Today i went to Putrajaya to attend a Genexter program, launched by the Prime minister of Malaysia, and his beloved wife. The program is quite interesting but i managed to come back home in the afternoon.i am so tired and sleepy. but when i reached my home, i am so surprised to receive an email from my friend. After a 'deep' conversation, we started talking about relationship. and suddenly she came up with a quiz. and i was like, okaayyy fine. i will answer her, anyhow. so let's check on me dear darling. =)

1. What do you remember about the first you and your lover met?
we started seeing each other in real in June 2010. since we were in long distance relationship, we used to skype-ing, and we only see each other 5 months after i accepted him to be my boyfriend. So during our first met, we set a date at Kinabalu Restaurant, one of my favourite restaurant at my hometown. we ordered a plate of fried noodle and a glass of lemon tea ice, and we shared it. =) then he sent me to my home and met my family to introduce himself and asked permission to be my boyfriend. a real gentlemen i guess! and that's make me love him more.. and more! =)

2. What was the most romantic memory of your relationship so far?
we have a lot of romantic memories.. there's a lot, i just can't explain it in a single page. we just love to do whatever we love to do together. Celebrating our every-important-date with our style, simple but meaningful to us! =)

3. What activities do you love to do with him most?
we love to do our hobby.. like fishing, sports, watching TV/Cinema.. just a lot i can't remember!

4. What would your perfect date together be?
we started dating at early 2010. but we managed to make 1st May as our official date because there is a secret inside that date. i used to let him decide whether to be with me, or be apart from me that day, and he decided to be with me, to give his heart to me, and love me the whole-heart of him. so this date is important for us.

5. What song reminds you of him?
Our first song is You belong with me by Taylor swift. its just coincident that we used the same song as our phone ringtone. like seriously. 

6. What would be your dream holiday destination? for honeymoon maybe.
Hawaii and Bali!!! Yes, for honeymoon, i've chose Hawaii or Bali as our destination. but anything i will refers to him to decide which place for our honeymoon. i am okay, as long as i am with him. =)

7. What is the sexiest thing about him?
His eyes, eyebrows, and the smile! the fact is, his smile is the first thing i've noticed at out first met. the smile with dimples on both cheeks makes me melted and happy. 

8. If you had only 5 minutes with him, what would you want to do?
i would say 'Darling, its hard to say but i want you to know that when i say i love you, i meant it from the bottom of my heart. please trust and count on me!' while holding his hands. 

9. How would you describe him in five words?
You're wonderful and amazing darling!

10. What is most things about you he like to compliment?
mmm.. 'you're beautiful or cute or pretty or anything else'.. you're intelligence, smart, and bla bla bla.. alot ok. hehe

11. If you are given two choice between money and love..?
my love.. especially when involve with my family, my darling, pets, friends or things i love!

12. Are you happy to be with him?
Yes! i am happy to be with him. i am grateful for having him with me. i don't regret with my past, but i would regret if i let him go. i know we are meant to be... insyaAllah.

ok, that's all from me. So long, goodbye!

p/s Dear my darling friend, thanks for the questions. i love it when i need to put all words between me and my fiance here for your knowing. thanks, because you know what, my love towards my fiance become more and more when answering your quiz. thanks ya.. and miss you a lot!

Saturday, November 8, 2014

Love quiz;

Hiiii.... Assalamualaikum w.b.t

This time i got a quiz from my best-friend.. she had requested me to answer the quiz long ago. the questions are quite simple but it took a couple of months for me to answer because my life is superb-hectic and unpredictable... so since today i have a little free time,so i would like to reply her... let's go!

1. Siapakah jejaka yang diminati anda semasa zaman sekolah rendah/menengah/diploma/ijazah/phd?
mm.. i got someone during my primary and secondary school. truthfully, the 'secondary' one is my exbf. i used to know him since form 1. well, its just like that. hehe. and someone during my diploma is now a teacher, abg angkat la konon and hampir2 terangkat, but fortunately i was loyal to my bf that time. haha. oh god, my dear fiance gonna have heart attack if reading this! ok.During Ijazah and Ijazah Sarjana? of course my dear fiance, Mr NJ. hehe

2. Orang pertama yang meluah perasaan dihadapan anda?
my classmate during primary school! i still remember it clearly. i was 8 years old that time and i was blurred like a fool don't understand what he talked about. now i found out he already got married with my friend. selamat. alhamdulillah.=)

3. Pernah putus cinta? berapa kali?
well,everyone used to break up right? yaaa, what could i say is, tiada jodoh.. hehe... i have this 'break up' things like 5-6 times.. but the real 'break up' is only once in my life.. the rest is just like nothing.. huhu

4. Bagaimana anda mengatasi perasaan kecewa semasa putus cinta?
mm.. i did a lot of my favorite things.. i used to involve myself in sports and artistic things.. like involved in Senamrobic and represented the university.. singing, composed songs, play guitar.. i keep in touch with my friends, a lot of friends! tried to open my heart for other guys (but failed because lastly i dumped them).. but the most important is keep praying to Allah..and accepted the fate that he is not my JODOH. that's the way i used to be.. simple.

5. Siapa Mr soulmate anda? Perbandingan dengan ex GF/BF dahulu?
Soulmate?? of course my dear Fiance Mr NJ! comparisons between them?? oohhh, this is too dangerous question! haha.. but ok, i will answer you just a little.. just want to mention here that my fiance is more amazing and fantastic guy i ever known! make it simple, my fiance is more understanding, religious, kindness, and etc. good looking?? yesss, i could say that! i love the way he is.. that's all!

6. Apa yang membuatkan anda jatuh cinta dengan Mr Soulmate?
he is my bestfriend, brother, lover, fiance, supporter, and yaaa, i love him, because of himself! i don't know why, but one thing i really love about him is, his personality and attitude. he just wonderful the way he is!

7. Bagaimanakah si dia menambat hati anda?
Aigooo.. how aaaa..hehe.. actually we were friend when we first knew each other.. he like to entertain me, always be with me no matter what happen to me.. i was single that time, until i got a boyfriend-to-be, he still be with me.. pendek kata, he never give up on me, always keep a hope on me.. and his dedication and commitment to be with me..made my heart melted and finally chose him over them! and yes, it's worth to choose him because he is superb and wonderful lover, i ever known! =)

8. Adakah si dia pernah melamar atau menyatakan hasrat untuk berkahwin dengan anda?
yes!!!! we started talking about this things long ago.. memang at our first perkenalan dulu pun, he said he want to be my boyfriend because he want me to be his wife. sooooo, i was shock.. and yaa, he kept the promise till now. andddd... now, we are engaged.. and will get married sooner! so pray for us!

9. Tarikh paling bermakna antara anda dengan si dia? kenapa?
mm.. i have no specific date to be meaningful.. but just to mention that May, august, October and December are our love's month! 1st May is our official date as a lover. August because our engagement is at 1st August. October is because we were both born in October, and December because.... we are getting married in December!!! yeaayyyyy!! ok. excited!

10. Andakah anda pasti dia adalah jodoh anda?
InsyaAllah.. with Allah's permission and will, i hope he will be my last-love..and the long lasting love.. aminn..

11. Sejauhmana anda mengenali pasangan anda?
i knew a lot about him. His background, current history, family, friend, favorite, etc. i am not going to dig everything about him but i promise to learn him because i chose him to be with me for the rest of my life. InsyaAllah.. 

ok. that's all for today. 


Friday, October 31, 2014


Hii fellow!

I got someone on the line waiting for me to reply her questions. since now i am a little free, so i will answer the quiz. Let's go!

1. How old are you? 
~> 26

2. Are you single? 
~> I am definitely NOT single, engaged to my Fiance Mr NJ.

3. At what age do you think you'll get married? 
~> 26! i am getting married in very soon! ngeee

4. Do you think you'll marrying the person you are with now? 
~> yes. i chose him and ready to marry him. May Allah make everything easy and smooth!

5. if not, who do you want to marry? 
~> no one else in my mind. i couldn't imagine what will happen if he's not!

6. Who will be your bridesmaid & best man? 
~> i got someone, but its okay. i will tell her soon.

7. Do you want a garden/beach or traditional wedding? 
~> Garden wedding! but it's far from imagination. haha.

8. Where do you plan to go on honeymoon? 
~> Bali and Hawaiii!!! but i will refers to my hubby before deciding the place. i am okay to be anywhere    as long as i am with him. ngeee

9. How many guests do you think you'll invite? 
~> 300. 400. or maybe, 500 guests. it's depends. 

10. Will that include your exes? 
~> heee.... if only i can..=) 

11. How many layers of cake do you want? 
~> 3 only. surrounding by 30-50 of cute cupcakes!

12. When do you want to get married, morning or evening? 
~>it'll be started by morning until midnight, may be. =)

13. Name the song/tune you'd like to play at your wedding. 
~> Dreams come true (canon mixed sentimental song) and yes, Kenny G's collection

14. Do you prefer fine dining or just normal spoon,fork and knife? 
~> fine dining. but the simple is my favourite.

15. Champagne or red wine? 
~> both is out of my taste. haha

16. Honeymoon right after the wedding or days after the wedding? 
~> depends on my breaks. 3 days' honeymoon at my hometown may be. Then only go to Bali/Hawaii       the next year. =)

17. Money or household items? 
~> i prefers... both! haha

18. How many kids would you like to have? 
~> 4 is enough! 

19. Will you record your honeymoon in DVD/CD? 
~> can't promise to record it, but surely will shoot the moment we were there.

20. Whose wedding plan would you like to know next? 
~> my friends, sibling, r my own child, if i had one! hehe

Ok, that's all for today. i got to go. bye!

Sunday, September 28, 2014



Its been a month i was here. New place, new workplace, co-workers, environment, foods, culture... yes, everything is new to me now.. i don't mean to be racism, yes i was here for 3 years before during my degree..its just a bit weird when i come here for working, not studying.. its seems awkward, for being away with my family, fiance, pets and life in Sabah. everything was left there, and i am here for new life, and new job. 

i was an educator aka tutor, researcher and coach before this. Teaching and coaching, researching are all my life.. but now, when i shifted into this job, its was like.. very unfamiliar and rushing. i need to learn everything and catch up my tasks here.. now that i became a boss to my staffs, its seemed so odd and hesitate feeling to instruct them to do this,this and this.. because they are senior to me, i just came here for a month, and they were working here for years, more than 5-6 years i say. and its not like myself, to ask them to do a simple things that i commit i could do.. 

when i first came here, i met some friends.. my senior became my friend, and that i am so grateful to know them. They help me to catch up everything, and teach me about the job. You know, job as a boss, researcher, physiologist and educator are not easy.. but what i do here is all of these.. i am became a leader to my department, i am doing research study while doing administrative tasks, doing clinical testing and physiology to the athletes and a very new task is educating other staffs here. Okay, this is my working scope. isn't it exciting? amazing? or what??? what i can say now is.. office will be my second home after this. ngeee.

okay, stop talking about working. 

i am actually have thing to think about.. which is my M******* that will coming soon. Yes, another two months to go and i am here like a PM, busy doing this and that, and no time to manage for my big day. arggghhhh. but thanks to my family, for being so consideration and responsible for my big day.. i love my family!

okay. that's all from me. daaaaa.

Monday, September 22, 2014

Sunday, September 14, 2014

Dear darling;

hereby, i declare that....

you are my beautiful prince NJ..and i am engaged to you!


Your Fiance, Eyanz Azeanthy Paiman

I Love My Job;

i am currently away from my families, hometown, my fiance and everything i used to love. Away from my university and my car. i was taking a risk to work away from everything i have planned for all this time.. sadness, lonely, longing.. everything makes me feel sad.. but life is worth to explore.. it's not me,who planned out this way.. deep down to my heart, i am still sane to think about my future.. this is God's will..and this is my faith..and i am so grateful for what i have.. so please be rational with professionalism... for that, thank Allah for this way.. alhamdulillah...

i love my job! really, i love it!

'cause i am a woman, please don't underestimate me.. for now i have given a chance to be leader to my department, and there's a lot of things i need to catch up, to learn and practice.. to be frank, i was down before, i just realized that i am too young to be a boss for my staffs.. they have been working here for years and suddenly came me, at this young age, with no fully experiences in this field, become their leader. oh Ya Allah, this is a challenge.. You gave me opportunity to take over such a brilliant position, and now You're testing me if i could make it,or not.... Ya Allah, please make me at ease...
But again, life is worth living.. when i was like..wanted to give up, Allah gave me a courage and opened my eyes to see the world clearly.. i could see the opportunity in front of me.. there is a reason why i'd chose to be here.. so i closed my eyes, praying for Allah's forgiveness, for being so irrational and forgot His gift to me.. just when i realize thing is not really difficult like i thought. i slowly climbs up the mountain..with passionate and patience.. and now, i am a step forward to my self-actualization.. and that's i realize that i love my job with wholeheart.. Alhamdulilah..

so bravo! i am so bravo! 


Thank you Allah;

Tuesday, August 5, 2014

E-day; Alhamdulillah


01 August 2014 became our memorable and unforgotten day that i am finally became an official fiance to him after 4th years love anniversary. Alhamdulillah. With Allah's bless and permission, everything went well.

i am feeling grateful for being his fiance and hoping that our next planning will be blessed and ease. One step to go before our marriage. Allah is with us. Please make everything well and smooth, ya Allah. Amin.

'Rabbi yassir wala tu'asir, rabbi qammim bilkhoir'

Wednesday, July 23, 2014

The coming;

Months ago i decided not to think about getting into serious relationship as long as i am still studying. I tried so hard to distract my mind from getting into nuptial thing. But somehow i try, the more intense it become to myself.
One day i went back to my hometown and someone knelt to the ground, asking me to be his queen. I was so shock i can't imagine what should i do at the moment. I lost control, can't think properly.But one thing i remembered about him is, there is no one will love me the way he does.. That's make me believe that my choice is correct. So i gave him a word, and he promised me to keep the word until his last breath.
So last Sunday, his family came to see me, and asked me for his son's favor... And my family finally accepted it with wholeheart. So grateful to say, it went well and smooth. Alhamdulillah.

So Ramadhan is going to leave us, and Syawal will come. I found myself feeling so nervous day after day. And it become intense whenever the Aidilfitri's songs heard. And yes, the time is coming around, i am so blurred. My life became busy and i have no idea where my mind is. It's rarely for me to feel this way, and gosh, i am dead to the ground! :-)

However, the preparation is still in progress, gifts and decorations have been bought.. Just now, i need to decorate the centerpieces, veil and etc. Oh Allah, please make it easy for me to handle this situation. Please let me strong to face the challenge that might come to us.

I am so speechless and blurred right now. I still can't think properly about how i am going to react and act the MY DAy. What i need now is our prays. Please pray for us, dear bloggers.
Thank you and Selamat menyambut Hari Raya Aidilfitri.


Tuesday, June 24, 2014

Masa berlalu terlalu pantas sehingga aku tidak tahu di mana keberadaan jiwaku pada saat ini. Mungkin Tuhan menemukan aku dan dirinya hanya sekadar untuk membahagiakan aku pada waktu yang singkat. Syaban bulan yang penuh dengan kenangan dan pengajaran yang cukup memberi impak dalam hidupku. 

Benarlah kata orang,
jika hati sudah suka, semua indah sahaja. Aku pasti suatu saat nanti semuanya akan terjawab. Jika bukan dengan dirimu, ku yakin pasti ada jalan di luar sana. 

ya Allah,
hanya kepadaMu tempat aku bermohon. Lapangkan lah, tenangkanlah jiwa dan ragaku agar aku tidak lupa akan tanggungjawab ku terhadapMu. Tunjukkanlah aku jalan yang benar dan lurus, agar aku tidak sesat dan jauh melencong dari kebenaran dan takdir yang telah Engkau tentukan. 


Friday, May 9, 2014

ooh hii!

Just for a second, i thought about writing something here. just a few things to share ya.

# i am so busy; too preoccupied with own stuffs thing.

# i have no holiday breaks since i've a lot of works need to be done before June.

# i become super-active; used to exercise myself for everyday. Went to jog and walk, then speed for an hour for every day; the never-forget-thing- aerobic dance for all genres, play soccer, and etc.

# i've became hectic with my research study; projects; programs; etc. so no time with family, pets and boyfriend, probably.

# lastly is, i love reading my ebook collection. need to finish my task asap so that i can read up all the series of Nicholas collection.

so that's all for today. Bye!

p/s going to watch and play soccer tonight with a bunch of friends (staffs) here. yeayyy!!!!

Wednesday, April 16, 2014

i am so simple.

if you find me hardly, then it gives meaning that we are not meant to be...
but if you fond to know me, just be a gentle-man, not a man-down.

mere texts and letters will not brings you to anywhere. even not in my atmosphere.
you're no way to close with me. if you want to persuade me with your sweet words,
then you're no different to other guys i've known outside there.

let say, if you can catch my eyes, and my attention, you're the winner over the others.

but to tell you the truth, you might be a winner over them, but you're not winning my heart literally.

why? because i am the difficult and hard girl you'll ever find, if you dare to bet me.

so stop talking about getting closer to me, because i will never give you even a reason why i must let you to get close to me.

that's all from me.

Happy always! peace no war.

Friday, March 21, 2014

Kekadang tidak faham dengan sifat manusia yang mengaku diri sudah berpunya tapi masih berkesempatan melayan lelaki/perempuan lain di khalayak ramai. Astaghfirullah. Taubat lah.

# i will never be like this. I promise.

Sunday, March 16, 2014


Jika ditakdirkan kau tercipta untuk-ku,
ku yakin ikatan yang telah lama terbina ini pasti akan dihujani rahmat dan restu,
yang akhirnya membawa kepada sebuah ikatan yang kita impikan selama ini..

Bersabarlah wahai sang kekasih,
kau sentiasa akan ku jejaki walau jauh kita terpisah.

Doaku buatmu kekasih.


Dunia ini seumpamanya sedang bergelora, berita kehilangan pesawat MH370 yang mengejutkan seluruh dunia membuktikan betapa agungnya Dia dalam menentukan apa yang dikehendaki. Bukan ingin ku ungkit segala keaiban negara, ku kira dengan terjadinya kejadian misteri telah membuktikan betapa dunia ini telah jauh melencong dari ajaranNya. Kekecohan, pergaduhan, dosa yang tidak terlupus menjadi penyebab utama akan kejadian aneh dan misteri. Demi Allah, aku tidak pernah ingin memburukkan mana-mana pihak, aku juga manusia biasa yang tidak lepas dari melakukan dosa, tidak kira disengajakan atau tidak disengajakan. Segala yang terjadi, semuanya adalah atas takdir Allah yang Maha Esa. 

Apa yang termampu diucapkan pada saat ini hanyalah doa yang tidak pernah lupt dari hati dan jiwa, semoga penumpang dan anak kapal pesawat MH370 berada dalam keadaan yang selamat dan kembali dengan keadaan yang baik dan selamat. Jika Allah menginginkannya, maka terjadilah ia seperti yang dirancangnya. Kun Fayakun. 


Friday, March 7, 2014

i am finally decided to do a research about neurology. i've chose ADHD or hyperactive disorder as my main focus of study and i am going to create a simple and affordable treatment for them. i hope that this will give positive effects on their cognitive and developmental.

To be honest, to learn something about neurology is interesting, but it's not easy to understand the brain activity of ADHD children. just now i am doing research about the best treatment that can helps children with ADHD to improve their cognitive especially when doing something that needed to focus. since i have background with medical and sport medical, i think i can go through to this field. 

i am doing good so far. everything is okay and i am so happy with my life. so bravo to myself!!!

Monday, March 3, 2014

Thing happens just like what i want. it went went so far and i am so fulled with surprises from people around me. some thing will go away from you, but another door will open to you. when your mind is about to shrink, something come out and repair the lost hope. if we happen to let something go, do not worry, because something better may replace the old one. just think it the way it's should be.

Okay, once again i have no idea what to write here. Maybe i should continue my thesis writing. Goodnite all!

Monday, February 17, 2014


we are in the middle of February. I guess this month is loaded with surprises and love, right?
yaa, mostly couples waiting for this month to give present and express their love to the lover because this month is a Love month, right? so how your Valentine Day? Must  be sweet, I thought.
*just to mention here, I am not celebrating Valentine Day.
For those celebrating Valentine day, Happy Valentine Day to you and your lover. There must  be a quality and meaningful time with your lover, right? But for the Muslims, we are not allowed to celebrate this day because it is forbidden. But that doesn't mean we can't give present and love to our partner ya, we can still make their days by giving love, or present, but the most important thing is, the attention given to your partner. Just like me, and my dear NJ, everyday is a Love day for us, we don't give a damn, but we give love and attention to both of us. Love is wonderful.
ok, stop talking about love,
I am now refers to my jobs as a educator and trainer. As new semester has begun, means that I am going back to my normal life, going to teach and train students, give tutorials and assignments, practicum, and so forth. Everything is new but the students. I will face new students for every new semester, the challenge I must say, but to give my best to them is my priority right now. Just, I pray Allah will bless me and make me easy for everything. Aminn.
Talk about new plan, I have plan to compose duet song and sing it with preferred guy. I have two duet songs so far, and I a looking for a partner to sing together with me. I think I've meet some guys, hopefully it'll works! and my business as a personal trainer, just to mention here that I am still attached to my part time job as a personal trainer but not in Herbalife.I am going to open a class for Aerobic dance, especially for Zumba Fitness, and meditation is one of the content. People who involved themselves in Herbalife is stronger, I can't survive with Herbalife because of my  hectic time and some personal matter, but people can still order products with me whenever they want. Just to say, Bravo herbalifers! goodluck!
okey, I might stop here. something important and urgent need to care about. Happy go lucky people outside there. may god bless you. bye!
p/s We don't need to find a perfect person to complete our life, but find someone who can make your life perfect when you're with them, though. I have one. and I love him too.

Tuesday, February 4, 2014

it's a bless i'd say to have such a long holiday breaks at this moment.

i misses my hometown but i should delay my coming because i still have debate tournament and interview here. Hope that this fever flu won't effect my performance throughout the important day.

wish me luck all my friends!

Happy February 2014!

Wednesday, January 29, 2014


Teaching class for this semester 1 already done!

These pictures were taken during our last session on this semester. They are grown up with good soft-skills and i am not going to teach them anymore on next semester. I hope that they will apply the information, knowledge and skills i have provided to them.

Good-luck and bravo to all  my students!

with group 1 students. they are awesome!


Monday, January 13, 2014

Salam Maulidur. 

i am currently at Sandakan, looking for a great place to throw out all my burdens.*(I am not sure if Sandakan is the best place for me to release my tension). To be truth, i was tired and burnt out of my daily life, went to here and there, and i was surprised that today is already 13th January 2014. I just started everything on first of January and now already 13th?? oo, time passed so fast. i hope that i can catch up everything before February because i am going to implement my thesis treatment started on February.

I don't know what best here in Sandakan, i already been here for 3 days since last weekend for some reasons. First, my task in UMS Sandakan. Second, to release my tension. Third, to attend for an interview. Since tomorrow is our public holiday, i would like to say, Salam Maulidur to all muslims and muslimahs. Happy holiday to us. But still i have no holiday tomorrow. Job is job. 

Lastly, i am waiting for the surprise from NJ for our anniversary #5. Anyway, thanks to him for loving me that much, i am sorry because i always busy with my life. You still the one, and always on the top of my life. InsyaAllah.

Sunday, January 12, 2014


Life is fair.

i am about to give up  my life when i have this miserable things in my life. But life is fair, God knows the strength you have and HE never let you down because of that horrible things. i am glad for being patient with all of this and now i am just step closer to the peak of satisfaction. Good thing happen when we are about to give up after putting all effort on something, i'd say it's a bless from Allah for giving me such a strong heart and soul to face anything in my life. Alhamdulillah.

i am ready for the next challenge in my life. Please be alert and standby, dear body and mind. we are going to fight the storm from head to toe. and i will never let my guard down. InsyaAllah.

Tuesday, January 7, 2014

Happy New year 2014!!!

i have thought to delete my blog months ago because i am so busy managing my incredible hectic life. but somehow i thought nothing to do by deleting all the memories inside here. so i decided to let this blog 'alive' and i will keep it until the end. 

however, we just turned into new year. new life, new phase, new self. i am so used to be confident with my life, even when i was at critical zone, i was so strong to fight everything. but nowadays, seems like i can't cope with some issues, conflicts and personal matters. i have been surrounded with responsibilities, too many burden that hits my shoulders. you just have no idea how my life is now. so terrible.

i've been involved myself into some research studies, Malaysia book of records, my own research study, and my lecturer's. guess me what? my strength is going to subside. the heaviness still here even though i am away from my desk. 
Anyway, to get involved in these activities is not really a big problem actually. my real problem is my imagination. i keep thinking about the hardest part of finishing my tasks, without consider it easy. Things become difficult because our mind used to think it difficult. i believe this actually only a mind-hallucination.

So i asked some tips from my senior to cope with this. and she's really helped me a lot. i love her. Now i can feel my strength is going back to me, to increase my confident level and helps me to cope with everything. Thanks to Allah, thanks to my family, friends and boyfriend who always standing here with me. I love you all!